Thursday, 2 May 2013

Those Stupid Lists

The idiocy of lists strikes me as being ball bustlingly funny.  No, not ‘to do lists’ or lists of things you’d like to shop for or even guest lists for weddings, parties, funerals or Barmitzvahs, nope, I'm talking about  lists of ‘The Best!’

Ask me what my favourite film is and you get a blank face. What’s my favourite book? Nope. How about my favourite person? Okay, that’s easy, it’s my wife. But bar that one exception and perhaps some other rare exceptions to the rule the fact is that lists are stupid. Popular lists are the stupidest lists of all.
We all have different tastes , kinks, loves and hates. Some like a certain hair colour, some love beards, some love muscles, boobs,  dramas,  thrillers, big books, small books, realistic heroes, tight spandex, we all like different things. So when I'm told Helen Flanagan is the world’s sexiest woman I say ‘meh’.

No, I'm not putting a pic of her up. No, I'm not going to say she’s made up, not realistic, airbrushed, fake, gorgeous, stunning,  fit or any other judgement on Ms Flanagan. It’s pointless. Is she well put together? Probably. Gwenyth Paltrow is well put together too. Is she the most beautiful woman in the world? Not to everyone, that statement is clearly absurd.

Time Magazine got it sort of right; they produce a list of the 100 people from around the world that they think are the most influential. They come from industry, sport, music, fashion, education, politics  writing and even though they left me out I forgive them. It’s not graded in order, its just 100 people that are incredibly influential. That works for me.

I know that these lists are manufactured by magazines and general media to sell magazines and market people, to pimp them to the populous with the promise of more flesh next year, bigger biceps, louder music or greater exposure than ever before. That doesn't stop these stupid lists pissing me off.

The simple truth is the most influential person in your life is you. Doesn't matter how many times you watch Beckham kick a ball, if you’re not down the park or in the garden practising three hundred corners a week you won’t do anything other than watch, you won’t ever have the chance to be as good. If an actor inspires you then surely it’s to be bolder, take risks, show more of yourself in the acting you do. If a politician is someone you really believe in then you’ll be campaigning for them.

Edd in Inspiring pose
The most beautiful person you know is probably your partner and that comes in the reflection of each others love, intensifying the emotional connection and it is emotional connection that produces true feelings of love and so attraction. Lifting a dudes member isn't hard. Hell, some people get stiffies watching Jessica Rabbit, some (cruel to say Wayne Rooney?) get a kick out of Nora Batty. Some women seem to get a lift out of nearly every beard or peck. Arousing is easy, touching is far tougher.

Lists are stupid, they mean nothing when applied the wrong way.

Make a list, think about how to do the things you want to do on that list. Visualise your success, see your prize and then put in all the effort you can to make those words on your list become achievements that you have reached.

Keep it simple, keep it real, go for it.

Magazine lists can kiss my chocolate starfish.

Here’s my list for the next two weeks. I’ll be as honest as I can here.

-         Eat well every day.
-          Get some exercise
-         Work more, talk less.
-         Make the talking I do mean more.
-         Complete all the tasks I need to on my first book.
-         Release said book on Kindle and try not to vomit from nerves.
-         Help the kids over their Chickenpox.
-          Read second book through and start to make alterations needed.
-         Watch six movies from my shelf of unloved dvd’s.
-         - Be the best person I can be.
-         - Complete the decorating of teens bedroom/walk in cupboard so he sops leaving his crap everywhere.
-         - Move teen back into a freshly decorated room for him to turn into a pit.
-         - Make love as much as possible.

That’s my list. It’s not in any order. If the kids and my wife need me more then the rest drop off and get moved to next weeks list. If I get hit by a falling piano I add ‘get well as soon as possible’ to the list and delete the rest. I'm flexible, like Time Magazines list of 100 most influential people... That I didn't get on. Again.

What’s on your list?

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