Friday, 4 January 2013

Not 'The End'

Got some time at the keys today and so I sat and cleared my head and did the only sensible thing I could; I wrote the bit I wanted to write rather than 'The Sticky bit'. It took me no time to find my way in, no time to find the voice I wanted and no time to get it down.

It's tough to pick a passage to place here as it's all very spoiler orientated, so I'm not going to. All I can tell you is that the end piece is nearly written, that all important, emotionally charged, final fist is flying through the air to crack the reader on the chin. I haven't landed the blow yet, but its been thrown.

How does this make me feel? Odd. I have plenty of 'sticky bits' to do, the work is nowhere near finished and yet I am hunting down the ending anyway. Is that a crap plan? Nope. I don't think so. See I need to be able to rush forward and keep writing and then go back and fill where I got stuck, not because that bit didn't work, but because I wasn't in the mood and I didn't have the time to find that mood within me at that point.

Today I knew I had roughly two hours. I knew I needed to do something that would make me feel like I was winning, like I was getting somewhere? I did that. 

The weird thing is I always envisioned writing to be a process of starting at the beginning, fighting through the middle and finally getting to type 'The End.' I thought (long ago) that you would skim happily through and tidy up and clean and polish. Now I know you look back and strip and rewrite and reread and then rewrite again and fight and wonder what the hell you were thinking that day; the day you couldn't spell 'invasion' or 'Ultimate' for no good reason! I know I'll come through and use a red pen and be happy its there and look down at my work and slash the bastard to ribbons and then stitch it back together again and it'll be better.

I have people to show my work to now and I try to act all tough and 'yeah, just take a look,' but the fact is I'm bricking it when I hand it over. What if it really isn't good? What if I completely strike out and they hate it? What if they suggest changes that I dislike and what if they walk up and just go,'Yeah, it was ok.'? 

I'll put on my 'I can take it face' and I'll take it.That's what I'll do.

This puppy is getting finished this month, first edit done and it's being shown. I know this now. I know because I'm close to the end and I have a need to complete. I have a desire to see those that act as though this is an unachievable goal for me to be silenced. I have a need to validate my own belief that I am good enough. I have the need and the will to win.

Today I nearly typed 'The End.' I know I am a long way from that being truth but today? Today I really believed I'd get there for the first time in what's felt like a long while. 

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