Sunday, 24 June 2012

God sits in the Big Chair


Booming music, Bad taste and huge crowds gathered outside a house full of gods come down to Earth for a vacation. An annoying shouting chav is welcoming us to the newest and most amazing season of a program designed to show us the least lovable of all the people in our population...but this year they have pulled off an amazing feat... because this year God and his immortal buddies have agreed to take part. 

Its day seven and Vishnu and Gaia are playing Volleyball in the garden, Set is moaning because someone left the chocolate milk out over night and now it smells 'funny'.

Good morning house mates, this is 'Little Brother', would 'God' please come to the Deity room.

Five minutes later and a dishevelled man with a massive white beard pads slowly in with a duvet wrapped around him. He slumps down on the huge padded throne and flicks his hair out of his face.

'I can't believe you woke me up, this is the first Sunday I've been up early in like a Billion years.'

We are sorry to wake you up early god but Little brother has some questions for you today.

'Fine, but please don't ask me to reveal my power once and for all, explain the 'Big Bang' or give you the answer to the meaning of life.'

Not high on the list for our audience to be honest God. Little Brother understands that we couldn't possibly understand how and why do most of the stuff that you do. To be honest we don't understand why you allow yourself to be represented by some of the maniacs that claim to speak your word.

'You and me both. Sadly I'm locked into a contract with my P.R company and they don't seem to get the 'Peace and Love' message out there like I'd like them too.'

Fine. 'God'? We have questions that have nothing to do with 'the big stuff'.

'I will answer what I can but I'm not a 'Sunday Morning' kind of guy, I'm meant to be resting. Seeing as I'm here though fire away.'

Hayfever? Just why?

Silence in the Deity room indicates 'God' is thinking hard.

God? Hayfever?

'Okay, I can't explain why I'd make anyone massively allergic to something else natural on this world. I could tell you it was your fault for shagging too much and growing your population beyond all original specs and so causing defects...but the fact is as the designer I do have to take the flack for that one.'

Okay, glad we cleared that up. What about the whole three prophets? Keep changing your mind?

'Sometimes people say stuff that I ask them to and then other guys that they hang around with over egg certain aspects that could perhaps be seen as being negative. Being misquoted is a bind but we all know that's the way the world is.'

We would like to ask you what the future brings?

'Sorry, no idea at all. I like to pretend I have all the answers but in truth I'm making it up as I go along. You have been given the whole 'Free choice' thing and that kind of seems to be working out for you...sort of. As it stands I think the best thing to do is just do the best you can. If you do your best and show people some love and understanding maybe that will help them to do the same and perhaps that will pass it along. 
Its true I could have done a better job,but then you could have too. This mess is a comedy of errors that admittedly isn't that funny. Keep the faith, do your best and make that's all any of us can do.

Thank you for your time God. Now we would like you to inform the other house mates that the task for today is to see who can last the longest without clothes at all. If you make it through the whole day then you win a prize, if anyone wears clothes at all then there will be no delivery of dairy goods tonight. 

God shuffles out yawning loudly...

No comments:

Post a Comment